Are we undesireable?

Dating (or attempting to date) at a Predominately White Institution (PWI) is pretty tough stuff. Now, I must announce to the whole world that I love men of all ethnicities. I do! I have either dated men or have had crushes on men of all races at some point in my young life. I had had white boyfriends, hispanic boyfriends, and I dated one or two black guys in my youth. How they compare? I just think men in general are pretty complicated beings. But I do enjoy their company, wit, conversation and antics/dangerous stunts.

As a Latina woman of mixed race ancestry, it is tough out here trying to find a little bit of love. I have had lengthy conversations with my female (and some male) ALANA friends about this issue. Amongst us we have tried to determine the cause as to why most of us are single. I must note that the following is largely from a heterosexual point of view. It is probably ten million times more difficult to date at a PWI as a gay person of color!

We might be unintentionally intimidating white men and women.
--Maybe POC are scary because we are so different from what is "normally" available as love interests in small home towns.
--Is it because we hang out in groups with each other? Would it be easier (in general) if as young men and women we didn't congregate in large groups with one another?
--On the flip side, is it difficult to approach us if we are alone?

White men and women do not know how to approach us / ask us out.
--Again, maybe because we are surrounded by other POC
--I think some whites have the false pretense that you have to approach us just like we are approached in our home towns/cities. This plays into the stereotype that all POC (especially blacks and Hispanics) are ghetto and you have to be a "hood rat" or a wigger in order to get any attention from us. This is not true! Case in point: me. I grew up in Boston and I could NOT be any less ghetto. For goodness sakes, my favorite band is Korn! (rock/alternative metal). I cannot possibly explain to you how I became a metal fan b/c I also went to predominately black and hispanic schools and lived in predominately minority/low-income neighborhoods.

White men and women do not think we are into them / would date them.
--I have been told this A LOT by white guys I have dated. They have told me that they simply thought that I only liked other POC and did not date outside of my race. I have often thought that maybe I should wear a large sign on weekends that says "Equal Opportunity Dater."

"My parents would kill me if I brought home a black/Hispanic girl (or guy)".
--It's really tough to counter this one. Many whites are put off from even trying to initiate a relationship if they feel or know that their parents (or grandparents) would disapprove of their black/brown GF or BF. And if you do choose to pursue this relationship, both of you have to deal with either lying about it and sneaking around or with confronting their parents about their bigotry.
--Conversely, some of our own parents are also against bringing home a white love interest because of their own bigotry. Or, for some of my friends, interracial dating with another person of color (ex: Black & Native American couple or a Asian & Latino Couple) was also controversial.

They simply aren't romantically attracted to us.
--This theory arises again out of the lack of POC in small, suburban towns. Because they do not see many of us, they simply do not view us as a viable alternative (or option) to date. Instead, what tends to happen is that white guys and gals tend to express their desires to fulfill their own sexual fantasies with us. As if we are a commodity! No, really! If I had a dime for the number of times I have been told or have overheard "I always wanted to hook up with a Latina" or "I always wanted to screw a black guy," I would be rich by now. But again, we are disposable to these certain individuals and could never really be anything more than a one-night stand.

Some other issue at play (hair, looks, weight, interests, not being a "party girl")
--When in doubt, this theory is always effective. I like to believe that it is not always about race and skin color when it comes to dating here on campus.
--Maybe it is just because many of us do not fit in to the general college co-ed culture that reigns supreme.
--Maybe it is because us women of color here do not look like Jessica Alba and Halle Berry (as if they are the ideal standard of colored beauty).
--Could just be differences in interests or even maturity level. Maybe men at this juncture in life as too immature to really be looking for a serious relationship. Maybe my friends and I need to chill out instead and not be searching for our future husbands!

What are your thoughts? Did I leave any theories out? Leave a comment.

-Jade, The Intern

"Just Get Over It Already"

I hate when people say, "Just get over it already" when the topic of racism comes around. It's often coming from a person in a "historically represented group" who says this to people of a "historically underrepresented group" in this country.

After working 7 days straight, I found myself watching television before getting ready for bed. Jorge asked me what movie I wanted to watch and I replied, "It doesn't matter ... I'm going to be asleep in about 5 minutes." Well, Jorge put on "Mississippi Burning" and before I knew it, the credits were rolling at the end of the movie.

Mississippi Burning. 1964. 44 years ago. That was 44 years ago -- my parents are older than that. By a lot. People often say, "Just get over it already. Stop bringing up issues of race. Race has nothing to do with it." I think that's straight up crazy. 44-years ago, 3 students were shot and brutally murdered while driving through Mississippi registering African American voters. They likely knew that they were going to face violence, yet they still went. As Wilhem Defoe's character said in the movie, "Some things are worth dying for." Unfortunately, during that time, there were also people who believed there were "some things worth killing for." And there were even more people - and an entire system - that quickly, easily, and unapologetically covered it up.

Forty-four years ago. Forty-fouryears ago our country was figuring out how to deal with post-segregation. From an early age, education about how very different Blacks and Whites were took place in homes, schools, churches, town meetings, stores - everywhere.

Now, naturally, I bring up this issue in places like the Northeast, where I work and live, and I often get the response, "That was the South. That didn't happen here. So, I don't have the same issues with race," says the person from the historically very represented group. I fight the urge to say, "Are you kidding??" and attempt to find the teachable moment.

"Yes, your family may not have indoctrinated you but our society, this country, has allowed you to believe that you don't have issues with race."

I am still amazed when educated people make comments (especially around me!) about just how righteous they are. Here are some of my favorites:

• "I am so offended that ___ thinks I'm racist! He definitely owes me an apology!"
• "I think people are making too much out of the cover of that magazine. I mean, no one would ever look at that cover and think he looks like a monkey or gorilla! People try to see things that aren't there and just make matters worse."
  
• "It's not racial. That's just an excuse."

Oh, the list goes on.....

-Liza

Stereotypes

The other day my little sister (she's 17) and I were talking about men and she asked if a certain stereotypes about black men were true. I'm not going to mention it here. I must add that my little sister is a Latina of chocolate skin tone who goes to a predominately white private high school. Her assumption that all black men must fulfill a certain stereotype really bothered me. Sometimes I think about how have certain stereotypes come to be. Who created these stereotypes? Where was the first time I heard that stereotype myself? Who benefits from these stereotypes?

All of this has got me to think about all the ridiculous stereotypes I have heard about different groups of people....

Women

• Too emotional
• Soft, weak
• Sensitive
• Soccer Moms
• Caretaker
• Not that smart
• Cook/prepare meals for the family
• Good housekeepers/maids/secretaries/assistants
• Love fashion, accessories, clothes
• Love the color pink, any pastels
• Must be virginal or "pure"
• ...But it's natural to be attracted to one another (unlike men)
• Need long hair to be feminine

Men

• Hard, strong, faster
• Confident
• Can't cook (and shouldn't be cooking, either)
• Can get the job done
• Incapable of keeping house/bedroom/bathroom clean
• Good at manual labor
• Cannot express emotions
• Only think with their genitals
• Love sports, cars, electronics
• Love porn
• Either are gay or straight, cannot be "curious"
• Curious = Gay
  
• Thrive in competition
• Smart
• Good leaders/bosses/CEOs/Presidents

Blacks

• Dangerous, criminals
• Ghetto
• Poor
• Can't speak proper English
• Uneducated
• Stupid
• Is probably in a gang
• Always "fighting the man"
• Another statistic
• Love Oprah/Barack Obama/Tiger Woods/Michael Jordan/Michael Jackson/Chris Rock/Dave Chappelle unconditionally
• Are up to no good
• All look the same
• All their men have large genitals
• Are matriculated in any college because of Affirmative Action
• Are good at sports
• Are probably on a sports scholarship
• Love Southern/Soul food
• Always think people are being racist against them
• Unemployed

Hispanics

• They are all here illegally
• Most of them are immigrants
  
• Can't speak English that well
• Don't want to learn English
• Love rice and beans
• Are "passionate" people
• Can dance
• Unemployed
• Living off of welfare/section 8 housing/food stamps
• Are stealing jobs
• Are very proud of their home country / overly patriotic
• Are ghetto, too
• Latin lovers
• Are good with manual labor
• Have huge families
• Teen pregnancy

Whites

• Have no culture
• Can't cook
• Have boring food
• They all love pasta
• Can't play sports
• Can't dance
• All love country music or soft rock
• Are politically conservative or ultra-liberal
• Love guns/right to bear arms
• Love hunting
• Love Starbucks or any overpriced coffee
• All their mal-adjusted males go on mass shooting sprees
• Fear God
• Want to spread democracy around the world
• Are responsible for the suffering of all people of color throughout the world, throughout all of history
• Most are oblivious to their white privilege
  
• (Subconscious) Racists
• All claim to be (part) Irish or Italian

Asians

• Are all concerned about their "slanty" eyes and their need to surgically alter them to make them more Anglo, less Asian looking
• Love rice, sushi and seafood
• Their women are submissive
• Their men are all chauvinists/strict
• Are very intelligent
• Are the "other white meat"
• Are wealthy
• Their Chinatown smells
• Very traditional culture
• Love electronics / have access to latest gadgets
• Are all small and thin
• All their men have small genitals
• Are stealing all IT jobs, shipping them over to India or Japan
• Are all (part) Chinese
• Chinese people put up all their female newborns for adoption
• Have weird music
• All Indians love Bollywood movies
• Only eat spicy foods

Gay/LGBT

• They are going through a phase
• They chose to be who they are
• It's just a lifestyle
• They are all HIV positive or have some other STD
• Gay males are responsible for the AIDS crisis
• Love to go to raves/disco/clubbing on the weekend
• Are all obsessed with Barbara Streisand/Cher/Britney Spears/Madonna/Kylie Minogue/Janet Jackson/Bette Middler/Christina Aguilera/Celine Dion
• Are all publicly flamboyant
• They love to dress in drag
• All lesbians dress like fat, boring men w/short haircuts
• If in a relationship, one is the "guy" and one is the "girl"
• All want to get married / want right to get married
• All want to adopt children
• They will raise or make their adopted children gay, too
• Love fashion / interior design / hair salons
• Gay males pick each other up at the gym

Food for thought: stereotypes are damaging. There are NO positive stereotypes. They build walls around us, keeping us from really getting to know one another. Yes, there are some individuals who you may think might fit some these stereotypes. But there are also millions of individuals who do not fit the stereotypes of their given culture, gender, ethnicity or sexual orientation. Granted, after reading all these collectively it should be apparent how utterly absurd most of these stereotypes are.

~Jade, The Intern

Dirty Words (Part 2)

...and now the conclusion to "Dirty Words," part 1.
Word of Caution: Please take my following words with a spoonful of sarcasm.

3. Immigrant / Illegal Immigrant

Ever since illegal immigration became a hot-button issue (right around September 11th), our nation has gone from focusing on how "those Muslim terrorists" got into our great nation to diverting their attention to all the illegal crossing of the Mexican border. It still perplexes me that a lot of Americans consider this issue to be in crisis mode. I think the mass media exaggerating a lot and leading us to believe that all of these illegals are crossing the border and stealing jobs from our dear blue collar workers. Oh, wait, don't most people from Ohio believe that NAFTA is the ruining their economy. I don't think we should be so quick to blame Mexico for all of our problems just yet. There is plenty of room for policy reform. Coincidentally, I am also prepping for a class debate tomorrow over multinational corporations and the "race to the bottom." Just Google "race to the bottom" + NAFTA for some fun!

Now, back to the issue at hand. Ever since immigration became this big problem, we went back to the good-old American pastime of hating foreigners/people different from you. Never mind the fact that many Americans trace their ancestry to other European nations. It's different this time around because once all those previous immigrants assimilated. Plus, once they got over the language differences and mostly suppressed their former identities**, they all realized they were White (and Christian) so they shouldn't hate each other too much.

This time around these immigrants don't want to assimilate. They want to speak their native language and (maybe, some broken) English. They want to exhaust all these social service programs such as welfare and section 8 housing but not actually contribute to society in a productive manner. And some of them don't even want to bother with the formal, red-tape ridden process of naturalization. So instead of applying for a resident alien card (aka green card), they "cross the border" and come steal our jobs. It's as simple as that.

I read somewhere (probably CNN) that only 56% of illegal immigration occurs through the Mexican border. So, where does the other 44% occur? Well, from deduction, it would have to be through airports, by boat and the Canadian border. By the way, we should care more about that Canadian border more since some of those terrorists crossed it before they blew some of our building up on Sept. 11th. Instead of getting our panties up in a bunch over putting a ridiculous fence across the Mexican border, we should worry about other issues. Why are these men, women, and children from risking their lives to illegally enter the United States? What socioeconomic, environmental and political issues are plaguing their home nations? What can we as American citizens do to improve our relations with Latin America? How can we secure our borders without making us intolerant to those different from us? Those are the real questions we should be asking ourselves.

Oh, and I do take offense to people linking the words "immigrant" and "illegal" to Latinos. As a Latina woman, I can attest to the fact that immigration is an important issue to our people in this election cycle, but it is NOT the only thing we care about. And we don't particularly enjoy being considered a voting block either. There are 20 countries that make up Latin America (21 if you include Spain). How could it be possible that Latinos are going to vote the same? Just because we speak variants of the same Spanish language does not mean we feel the same about certain political issues. To assume that all Latinos are the same is equal to suggesting that all English-speaking are a voting block, too.

It is ignorant to hate others simply because they are of different national origin than you. You cannot pick where in the world you are born, just as you cannot choose what color your skin is or what gender you are born into. It is also ignorant to assume that all Latinos are illegal immigrants. Many came here legally. Many Latinos are also second and third-generation Americans. Many of those also can't speak Spanish. But what links all of us is our love for our shared sense of culture and past. Of course, Americans have their own hilarious culture, too. I think it is a testament to how great this nation is that so many people from around the world would risk everything just to live here. Go America!

That concludes this discussion on "Dirty Words". Did I leave any good, juicy ones out?
Leave a comment.

-Jade, The Intern


**well, you know that isn't true...especially with Italian-Americans and Irish-Americans. On a side note, Happy Saint Patrick's Day! :)