REFLECTIONS FROM PRITHAK

To read more from Prithak, visit www.astonehillexperience.wordpress.com

Why it matters to me…

Many things happened today; I had my Peer Mentor Interview; I found out that I need to work on controlling my accent to be a good public speaker (I know, accent kicks in again); I had two really thought provoking discussions in my HOPE and MOSAIC groups; and I got selected for the prestigious ALANA-A Brothers and Sisters Leadership Program. (Yes, I was jumping with joy after it actually sunk in that it was real).

Lots of different things you would say, (and you are probably thinking- “this kid talks a LOT!”) but funnily and unconsciously, I went back to the same notion again and again throughout these many different encounters: diversity, individuality, empathy. [*Phew* those are some pretty strong words for a college freshman to talk about, right? Maybe I am just rambling for all you know lol.]

Now, as anyone who knows me well enough will also know that I am pretty involved on campus: Hall Council, Diversity Committee, Clubs, discussion groups etc. Also, as anyone would know, I am also involved specifically with Diversity a lot. I spoke to the faculty about it, I spoke to the Board of trustees about it and I always speak to my fellow peers about it. So, what is the thing with Diversity and me? Why do I even care about it? How does it matter to me? Come to think of it, I am not even from this country! I am just a simple international student like possibly many other international students in this country, whose sole purpose for being here should be to achieve what they have come to achieve! Diversity plays no role in that!

Why should I care if some people have some silly preconceived notions about me? Why should I care if some people place me in stereotypes when they try to assess me? Why should I care if people think my accent makes me different? Why should I care if I am not like the hundreds of others around me?

Well, you see, the problem is not why should I care, the problem is that I care.

Yes, I care. Why?

I honestly have no idea.

Maybe it is in knowing that sometimes feeling “different” is a much more disturbing notion than feeling “alike”. Maybe it is in knowing that having no one to relate to can be much more difficult than having too many friends to hang out with. Maybe it is in knowing that sometimes you don’t have the same access to a life as ten others around you; or maybe it is in knowing that you have a life that tens of others don’t.

I don’t know why I care for what I care. I just know that I do.

I might not know why this concept of “inclusion”, “diversity”, “individuality” means so much to me. But I think I do know what matters to me: it matters to me if someone doesn’t have an ear to listen to them; it matters to me if someone doesn’t have a mouth to speak to them; it matters to me if someone doesn’t have a shoulder to cry on; it matters to me if someone doesn’t have the arms to hug them; it matters to me, if someone feels it’s wrong just because it’s different; it matters to me if someone feels they are wrong just because they are different.

Diversity, social justice, inclusivity, and leadership are pretty big words for me. I probably care for them, but I still have to figure out why. But what I do know is that I have learnt it’s not the differences in a person that really matter, but it’s the person who matters more than the differences.

Yes, I care and no I don’t have any big reason to. I don’t have any dreams of changing the whole world etc etc. like some other amazing students. I will be honest. I am just a freaking stupid freshman! But what I do know is that to me what I care for matters a lot, and I think that’s what makes all the difference. J

Love, thoughts, and smiles

Prithak

P.s: A shout out to my family on Stonehill who helped me reach this conclusion! You know who you are J Also a shout out to the amazing ABS leaders, both new and old, for the thing you stand for! Know that it matters…and it matters a lot!

P.P.S: I promise the next post will be about more mundane things and not super reflective stuff! lol

Reflections from Thomas

The following is a reflection piece by Thomas Noah '15, an ALANA-A Brother. To read more from Thomas, visit www.tnoah55.blogspot.com

ABS Training

One of the activities we did for the training was to draw the idea Image of an ABS leader. Not going to get into details about it but one major charateristic my group's little ABS leader had was being open-minded. We literally drew him open-minded with symbols coming out of his head. A globe, a peace sign, a gay pride flag, and the cross and other religious symbols. The point is,  I have always been an open minded person, but since I've been at Stonehill and involved with the Diversity program and ABS, my mind has been expanded. Well, mostly in a different way I can not explain. Being at stonehill definately made me realized not everyone come from the same walks of life. AkA not everyone grew up in a diverse environment, we all have different backgrounds. I am constantly reminding myself, mostly through Aristotle's philosophical theory of the identification of catharsis. AkA putting your  self in someone else's shoes and identifying with that person. This help me understand majority of the time where people are coming from when they are being ignorant. In other words, stay patient and keep my cool. Patient and cool is definately not what the high school Thomas would have done. The aggresive, homofobic, sometimes ignorant and unaware Thomas. The don't give a dam what you think or say about me Thomas. In other words, I thought I knew it all.   

My other favorite activity wasn't much of an activity, it was a movie called "The Walkout". It was basically a documentary about five students from East L.A who decided to make a difference. They stood up for their rights to a better and equal education against the school district. Persistence allowed them to continue to push on, despite the police brutality attempt to stop them. Despite all obsticles, they won over the school district and the public by starting a walkout. All it took was five brave and determained high school kids.

The gneral story reminds me of my own personal project, starting a wrestling club at Stonehill College. I currently have the support of Dean of Admissions Dan Monahan who is willing to coach, if everything go as planned. Unfortunately the Athletic Directors refused to get on board with us. Their excuse? "Budget cuts..Too many clubs, blah blah blahh..." Typical excuse they've given to students in the pass who attempted to start a program. Thanks to determination of those five students, I am not giving up anytime soon. I have three more years to make it happen! 

HOW WE LOOK

Whenever I meet a group of people for the first time -- via workshops, classes, or training sessions that I facilitate -- one of my favorite introductory exercises starts like this: "One thing you can't tell just by looking at me is __________. That's important for me to share with you because _________."  Participants are then asked to complete the sentences and share with the others their answers. Mine usually goes like this:

"Hi! My name is Liza. One thing you can't tell just by looking at me is that I am an avid runner, I have run half marathons, and I am incredibly physically fit. That's important for me to share with you because I am a plus-sized woman, I wear a size 16, and most people assume that women with my body are lazy, fat, and don't care about their health. I'm here to tell you that I'm fit, fabulous, and love how strong my body is both inside and out."

As we go around the room, people share interesting details about themselves and why those details are so important to them. We then talk about how we often judge people by how they look and the dangers of making assumptions about folks.

As the mother of a son with brown skin, the wife of a husband with brown skin, the aunt of nephews with brown skin, the sister of brothers with brown skin, and a mentor to many young people with brown skin, I am terrified by the death of young Trayvon Martin and of the death of DJ Henry (a young college student from my hometown).  The men and boys in my life already have learned the rules of "looking suspicious" (rules that the young white males in my life do not need for survival).

But, when they have done everything right, and still get hassled, treated as suspicious, or worse, beaten or killed, what is there left to tell them? 

Do I tell my son to not leave the house? To never wear a hoodie? As he gets older, we will tell him to always carry ID, to be well spoken, polite to law enforcement, and to cooperate if he is ever pulled over or pulled aside. Though he may be angry at what is happening to him, he will learn that his anger in the face of authority will rarely lead to a good outcome. He will make decisions about whether or not he will want to, or whether his heart will call him to rise up, protest, and refuse to be treated poorly. And, my husband and I will support him. We will love him through the struggles that come with being a young, brown man in our society. We will love him through the "it's not fair!' and the "why me?" and the "why are they treating me this way?" Because we have been there, and unfortunately, hearts and minds don't always change quickly.

The other day, Joli said to me, "Mommy, if you were a smurf, I'd call you Beauty Smurf." I replied, "Oh! You're so sweet! You think I'm beautiful?" She said, "Well, no, actually. I'd call you Beauty Smurf because you like to put on so much makeup that it covers up your beauty. So, if I call you Beauty Smurf, maybe you'll stop. Your face is pretty, brown, and beautiful."

Pretty. Brown. Beautiful.

One thing I hope my children, and all children of color, can tell just by looking at me is that being brown is a blessing. It is beautiful. Being brown does not mean we are suspicious. Wearing a hoodie does not make us suspicious.  We are people. We have futures.

And that's important for me to share with you because a family, a community, and a world lost another young person simply because of how he looked.

When my brother-in-law, an African American man, turned 25 years old, my sister wanted to throw a party -- not just to celebrate his birthday, but also to celebrate an age that many young, Black men do not reach because of violence.  On Saturday, my beautiful, brown son is turning 3 years old.

I pray each year that he has many, many, many more. And, I pray that we create a society together that embraces -- and does not condemn -- him for how he looks.

Peace, love, dignity and humanity,

Liza

TAKING CHANCES

Taking Chances

I make an effort to visit my family in CT at least one weekend a month, in order to be nice to my wallet and my car. However, one weekend a month never seems to be enough. On my 3 hour ride after work on Fridays, I find myself making a mental note of my itinerary for the weekend. The list includes, running errands with my mom, visiting aunts and uncles, visiting my pastor, making every effort to go to church, trying to connect with friends and the list goes on.  

But this past weekend, it was different. I was going home to see my uncle who had been in the hospital for the last week. After calling home every day this week to receive a progress report, I was finally going to see him.

In the hospital,  his room seemed to have an invisible revolving door. As two people would leave, immediately two other people would enter. You see, my family is a big family and once people heard the news they all came to visit him.  My uncles bed was located to the far right meaning we would have to pass his roommates bed before we reached his.  

I am not a fan of going to hospitals, but then again, who is? I find that every time I go to the hospital, I am somewhat zoned out. I keep to myself, really don’t engage with others and remain quiet. I find myself constantly praying. I pray for the person I am visiting but I also pray for everyone who finds themselves in the hospital.  In the midst of my prayers I saw my uncles roommate.

As much as I tell our students  to take a chance and spark a conversation with someone you don’t know, I still have to push myself to do the same.

Throughout the day I realized that no one came to visit him. His phone remained there, unanswered because no one called. I tried to think of what he was feeling as he saw a train of people storming in his room. I stepped aside knowing that my uncle had more than enough people to talk to and began to talk to this man. His name was Ben. I was nervous, unsure of what to ask.  So I started with the obvious question, why was he in the hospital. Our conversation soon extended to talking about family, interests, and life dreams. He was a very pleasant man to talk to and through our conversation we found that we both shared a strong faith in God.  He was very happy to be able to share stories of how God had blessed him and manifested Himself in his life. I was grateful to see his faith in action. He inspired me.

As we exchanged our goodbyes he thanked me repeatedly for taking the time to talk to him. He shared that his wife was working two jobs and could not visit him, and that this was the first time someone had taken the time to have a conversation with him since he was in hospital. As we ended our conversation with a small prayer, I stepped out  of the room.  As I reflected on the amazing conversation we had I could not help but think about how many people we walk by each day and never stop to talk to. In the midst of our daily itineraries, we never make the time to smile at someone, say a simple hello, or engage in a conversation.

In our office we talk about the importance of creating personal connections. Of putting the person before the issue, and learning from each other through dialogue. I see how much I have learned from students, staff and faculty  through personal conversations. I become a better listener from these conversations. I become aware of different experiences that impact us all as individuals. I become self aware of areas I need to learn more about.  All because I take a chance and spark a conversation.  

That day Ben thanked me, but I should have been the one thanking him. He may never know what impact he had on me and what he taught me that day. He taught me that it is important to stop and enjoy the simple things in life. He taught me the value in taking a chance. 

--Jacqueline

HOW TO LIVE

Cross posted from Marathon B4 Mastectomy 

"It's not about how to achieve your dreams, it's about how to lead your life." -- Randy Pausch's Last Lecture


I believe in listening to what's being said inside of you. Working at a Quaker school taught me that. In Meeting for Worship, the practice is to enter into a simple gathering, sit silently, and open your heart and mind wide so that the message of God can be heard. When you feel God's love and it moves you to speak, you stand up and share the message with others. No altar. No fancy chalice. No kneeling up and down. Just you, God, and silence.

For the lifelong Catholic in me, this was tough. In the early years of attending Meeting for Worship, I felt completely uncomfortable. I didn't understand how a religious service  -- a religious experience -- was possible if there wasn't someone of authority to interpret the message for me.

Every few Sundays, my husband and I would drive out to Queens to visit his family. His father is a Pastor of a charismatic Christian church. Live, upbeat music, clapping, "Amens" and "Yes Jesus!" filled the room during the songs, during the sermon, and long after the 2 1/2 hour service was done. People danced in the aisles, spoke in tongues, and turned to their neighbors to tell them "God loves you, and God is good all the time!" There was nothing this Catholic girl wanted more than for a little silence and a whole lot of structure. I didn't understand how it was possible that a religious service -- a religious experience --  was possible of everyone in the seats was involved in the service.

Though both places of worship seem so different, they share this foundation of God's message:

Listen. Feel. Believe. Be present.

Though some of you might find this hard to believe, for most of my life, I beat up my body and mind. Not thin enough. Thighs too fat. Butt to big. Arms too wide. Skin too brown. Hair too straight. Hair too curly. Hair too black. Eyes too small. Stomach too jiggly. From my early teens until my mid-twenties, I battled troublesome eating issues.  A few years in there, those eating issues became best friends with alcohol dependency. More years of self-loathing. More years of never feeling good enough. More years of trying to be better, live better, treat myself better.

I have finally begun to come to terms with the truth that years of believing I was worthless, ugly, not good enough, not smart enough, and not pretty enough are not going to be solved with a few sessions with a nutritionist and a few weeks in a gym. They won't even be solved with a few half marathons. Though my life events have helped me to leave most of that negativity behind, I still carry a small knapsack of it with me.
For the past 18 months, I have been focusing on my body in a very different way. Rather than obsessing about how thin I wasn't getting from working out, I had to focus on how strong I was growing. In order to heal properly, I had to concentrate on how my muscles were changing. Just days after surgery, I remember sitting up in bed giving thanks for having built strong abdominal muscles that helped pull me out of bed.

Today, I marvel at my range of motion. I smile at my ability to do 2 push ups without my chest muscles violently convulsing when, just a few months ago, I couldn't even bear weight on my forearms. I smile when I realize I can reach up to the top of the refrigerator, when I surprise myself as I zip up my dress, and when I finish running 6.2 miles with relatively no pain in my shoulders. I laugh when I choose to eat carrots instead of the Milano cookies in the white roll-top bag, when I look forward to that first refreshing bite of a really good salad, and the idea that a cool glass of water is more appealing than a bubbly glass of Diet Coke. My attitude towards food -- towards my body -- has changed. It's how I now live my life.

Though having the mastectomy quite possibly saved my life from cancer, it actually saved me from myself. After Joli got sick, I appreciated the value of life, love, and joy beyond material possessions. After my mastectomy, I appreciated ME. I began to love myself. I began to see myself as worthy of care, of compassion, and of beauty.

I am beginning to Listen to the positive messages and redefine the negative ones. I am beginning to Feel the change in my physical body and change in my emotions. I am beginning to Believe in myself. And, I am learning to Be present.

As I sat quietly at the dining room table tonight, I thought of a video that was circulated a few years ago that I never watched. It was of the Carnegie Mellon professor who delivered his "Last Lecture." I'm not sure what was prompting me to watch it, but I have learned to just go with what my heart is telling me to do.

I decided to just watch the 3 minute version (as opposed to the whole 76 minute lecture), and heard the line I was meant to hear:

If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. Your dreams will come to you.

I never imagined taking away my breasts would actually give me my life back. My life was meant to do this, it was meant to move in this direction; and so far, my dreams of feeling more like the Me I was meant to be are beginning to take shape.

-- by Liza Talusan

THE BLACK ATHLETE

The Black Athlete

Growing up in a predominantly Black neighborhood, playing sports was an expected way of life for me. In fact, as a Black male your athletic prowess in any sport afforded you a sense of pride and superiority to those who did not possess the same ability. Conversely, to be Black and possess no athletic ability was frowned upon. Expressions such as “soft,” “chump,” or even “White boy” were often used to characterize “non-athletes” throughout every recreational park, gymnasium, and court I found myself in. Countless images in the media portray Black people as “physical specimens;” perpetuating the stereotype that athleticism is innate to and the standard for all members of that racial background. In watching any NBA game, it is never hard to notice the fact that the majority of the athletes are Black, while the coaches, owners, and spectators are White. Many young African-Americans have been socialized to idolize professional athletes rather than teachers, doctors, or business owners. Young African-American men are continuously lured into a culture that devalues education and overemphasizes the desire to live irresponsibly.

I acknowledge that a system which marginalizes the Black athlete and African-American culture is deeply embedded in our society. However, education is the key to disrupting it. A person can be an athlete and still be a responsible and meaningful contributor to society. As the saying goes, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” In recognizing their status as role-models, many athletes lead healthy lifestyles that can and should be acknowledged. Though the media often attempts to portray something otherwise, the overwhelming majority of athletes have minimal involvement in alcohol and drug use, minimal involvement in violent and criminal related incidents, have obtained some level of college level credit, maintain a healthy diet and exercise regimen, and are actively engaged in their respective communities. In addition, athletes possess and demonstrate great character building traits such as teamwork, persistence, passion, hard-work, determination, and discipline among others.

I believe that we as a society should not condemn our Black students who aspire to be the next Lebron James. Instead, we should continue to encourage and expose them to more holistic images of the Black athlete as well as other Black professionals, scholars, and academics. 

--By Randall Phyall

OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE

Out of my comfort zone.

I am a Latina.

And, as I joined 9 Asian American Stonehill women at the Asian Sisters Participating in Reaching Excellence (ASPIRE) 7^th annual Asian American Women in Leadership Conference hosted at Simmons College, I really knew I was Latina. Just looking around the room, I am quite certain I was the only Latina at the Conference. Which, this makes sense, right? After all, it was a conference for Asian American Women.

I was born and raised in a Spanish speaking household, where Spanish was my first language. I grew up helping prepare our signature dishes, pupusas and tamales, in the kitchen while listening to my aunts and uncles share stories of how life was so different in El Salvador.  My family’s cultural values, faith, and determination were shared with me from a very young age. The schools I attended growing up in this country were racially and ethnically diverse. The members of my church represented the diversity of Latin America. Walking through my neighborhood, I knew I would pass people who looked like me and spoke my language. The city of Bridgeport, CT was my comfort zone. I knew I would see myself represented in my community.

But, so much of what I tell my students is to "live outside of your own comfort zone." Get out there. Get involved. Get engaged. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Though I am one of only a few women of color on this campus (and hence, already out of my own comfort zone), it was important to my growth and development to go to a conference -- as a Latina -- for Asian American women. 

This Asian American Women in Leadership Conference “aims to promote strategic dialogue on the importance of leadership for Asian American girls and women. Specifically, the conference is designed to explore the role of leaders and leadership in a context relevant to Asian American women, highlight the effectiveness of diverse leadership skills and styles, create cross-generational networks among attendees that will extend discussions and relationships beyond the scope of the conference, and raise awareness about ASPIRE, its mission and value to Asian American girls and women (http://girlsaspire.org/aawil/index.html).”

I must admit at first I was extremely nervous to attend the conference as a Latina. Attending this conference definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone because I knew I would be in a room of women who neither shared my language or looked like me.  

This opportunity to step out of my comfort zone was perhaps one of the best experiences of my life. By stepping out, I encountered a different world -- one in which I found a lot of similarities.  I was exposed to the experiences of individuals  as they gave voice to their stories of growing up, as college students, as professionals, and as leaders.  Though we looked quite different on the outside, the truth was that we shared many of the same struggles, stories, and experiences as women of color. And, when we didn't share similarities, it was important for me to listen and be an ally in the conversation.

Once the conference had come to an end, I walked away with new found knowledge, new connections, and a new sense of inspiration. It was amazing to look out to the audience and see women from different ages, cultures, and walks of life united with the purpose of learning from each other. Throughout the day I was able to learn about other Asian American women, the Stonehill students that joined us, and myself. I learned, firsthand, the benefits of stepping out my comfort zone. 

"Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand." -- Chinese proverb

--Jacqueline

DIVERSITY TASK FORCE 10.31.11

Diversity Task Force

October 31, 2011
2:30 pm
Alumni

In attendance: Maryanne, Steve, Anne, Liza, Dan, Craig, Michelle, Laura,
Presenters: Brian and Claus 3 students

Updates:

• Progress Reports and Summaries are due to Liza
• Aggressive December deadline in order to meet our timeline
• Student Affairs Update will be sent via email by Liza
• Curriculum Subcommittee
• Anne met with Katie Conboy about the faculty task force about inclusion in the classroom. Provost Conboy shared insights and resources with Anne.
• Student subcommittee
• SGA Diversity Committee developed the "I am not a bystander" pledge. This will be shared and discussed tomorrow at the Town Hall. Faculty and staff are invited to sign the pledge as well.
• Enrollment Subcommitee
• Dan will share some admissions information at the Town Hall in order to dispel the myth about the alleged disparity between ALANA and non-ALANA students academic performance. The facts state that both student populations have relatively the same academic profile.

Brian and Claus Presentation

• The approach to this model includes: Develop, Test, and Implement
• It begins with cause and effect belief antecedents and developing a cause and effect model.
• This Diversity Task Force has identified the following two outcomes:
• Enhance students appreciation for the diversity of persons and cultures 
• Equip students with the skills that they need to to engage and contribute to a diverse world
• A model will be developed model that will then be presented to the committee to then test using surveys, field experiments, interviews, and objective data.
• The lenses that will be used in this model are:
• Demographics
• Students are students (what are the drivers for people?)
• Cosmopolitan (After reading a number of articles that discuss what the diversity drivers are, they have come to the conclusion that overtime approaches that single out ALANA populations has not yielded desirable outcomes.
• As a committee we need to identify what kind of diversity do we want. As a Catholic college we respect human dignity, therefore we should value diversity. We need to work towards the creation of a culture that embraces diversity. 
• Timeline
• Path modeling session can be held in December
• Process: Identify outcomes and facilitate session with stakeholders. At this meeting eveyrone will engage in a monitored brain-writing process.
• Testing can begin during the Spring 2012 semester

·         Using this approach, the presenters will use the two goals that this taskforce identified, which inputs are infinite (increase number of diverse students, recruit diverse faculty and curriculum, increase opportunities for students to engage in diversity). The approach is to test what we think may work.

·         We need to identify abstract qualities to distinguish between concrete actions and the latent model where we want to understand and assess statistically. The idea of creating the  model is to get everyone on the same page in order to combine and organize the individual variables together to reach the goals set out by the committee.

o    After we identify the abstract variables/factors that we believe will be a cause to move forward, found in the strategic plan, the goal is to understand the latent model that drives towards diversity outcomes. How do we test each variable? Survey assessments, data, existing literature, field experiments, interviews, focus groups, and objective data. The process helps identify and take inventory of the strategic plan.

o    There are factors that we are unsure of which comes first, the testing provides the context for what steps to take.

o    We have all identified topics that are important (student retention, faculty recruitment, curriculum, and etc.). The question at hand is whether our focus is only a small percentage of the story? Are there other factors that will make the impact we are seeking? This process will provide a method and structure to determine what variables and factors are needed and most beneficial, allowing us to sequence the KPI’s already established in the Strategic Plan.

·         Conclusions

o    There are many great ideas based on intuition, however, if we introduce evidence and data into selecting the ideas that will provide success, this will be more beneficial. By testing the different factors we can identify the ones that work best and prioritize them.  We know that the sequencing of things is important. For example, do we create a  diverse environment before and in order for diverse students to come or do we bring diverse students and with them then create a more diverse environment.

o    Next Steps:

§  Schedule a meeting with presenters and a small group of the committee to identify what are the areas of interest, review data and review information.

Schedule a time December to have a brainstorming meeting with the entire committee.